


Our Heavy, Tortured Hearts

by B00ksOverB4nt3r



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: F/M, Other, Season/Series 04 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-09-07 08:37:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8790934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B00ksOverB4nt3r/pseuds/B00ksOverB4nt3r
Summary: Kenzi is driven to new extremes after Hale dies, including wanting to taste Massimo’s blood as she tortures him. To gain revenge, she enlists Vex, the know-all of pain and suffering, lord of darkness. Vex betrays her, and now she is wary of trusting him. After being discovered in Spain, Kenzi realizes there is something wrong with Vex and her heart softens. Vex has spiraled out of control, blaming his condition on her hatred, meanwhile Kenzi ends up kindling a romantic flame between them. Can she salvage what's left of their relationship? Or will Vex burnout, making Kenzi suffer death all over again?





	1. Game. Set. Torture.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to keep this as canon to the actual timeline and story as possible. Please comment any ideas you may have while reading, or if I have missed something critical. Otherwise, the only real change I made to the characters Kenzi and Vex; After I exaggerated their negative feelings, I played up the love card. I also gave him some new abilities without explaining why, but figured it didn't matter much. If you'd like some explanations for it, I can write an additional chapter later on, but to me I think that's just kinda boring. This has been edited twice, so I will not be reposting for grammar mistakes or syntax. Thank You all!

Kenzi hadn’t wanted to call him. She wanted revenge for herself, all of the pain and misery to be at her hand. Previously soft natured however, she wouldn’t know any grisly techniques or torture methods. This was an area new to her, but willing to be explored. For Hale, She told herself. But there was something more than justice for her dead siren.  
His death has brought a darkness she couldn’t dismiss. Determined to purge it, she needed help. Vex’s number rang a time and a half before he picked up. “The human graces me with her voice! Done with your little tantrum, sweet?” He said, mocking her pain. His trilling laugh at the end of his jab nearly made her hang up. Anger bleeding into her already red cheeks, Kenzi wasn’t up for his antics. There was only one thing on her mind, and anything beyond that annoyed her immensely.  
“Cut the crap, Vex. I need your help.” She held the tremors out of her voice the best she could. But the apathetic 'aww' on the other end of the call clearly indicated she sounded like a pathetic, sobbing child.  
“Aw, yes, tell Vexie what’s wrong with his little girl, now,” he cooed at her. Kenzi gripped her katana tighter, wishing she could take a stab at Vex. She could imagine his smirk. It made her think of the evil, gloating smile of Massimo when he ran Hale through with her blade.  
“Just get over here. I’m at the Dol.” Slamming the phone down, she hoped she hadn’t made a mistake. Massimo was the Dark Fae version of Lauren, and Vex was Dark, too. Would he betray her for his own kind?  
Massimo cried out again from his cage down below The Dol.  
No, Vex wouldn’t. Vex cared too much about her, cared too little for the life of a human as pathetic as the “druid”. He would help her torture him, showing her the things he knew from his long life as a Dark Fae.  
Vex was evil through and through. But he and Kenzi had an understanding. He would aid her and get the job done. The prospect of relief barely soothed her angst, but for a moment since Hale’s death she found a precious moment of clarity.  
Massimo would pay. She wasn’t going to be totally helpless this time. She would be the one in power, in control, she’d be the one to inflict the pain.


	2. Month Long Silence

Kenzi had enjoyed the solitude while it lasted. And boy, had it lasted. A month had gone by since she had stepped away from the world of the Fae- stepped away from Bo. _A_ _s far away as you could get when you lived on your dead fae fiance's estate_ , she thought. Everyday her heart ached for her sister-in-arms, but it had also grown lighter. Hale’s summer home in Spain was gorgeous enough to distract her from the fact that Hale himself was gone. Or so it was enough up until now. Alone with herself and the rarely seen staff, she wanted company again, wanted _his_ company.

Hale was in the afterlife, clearly not in Valhalla, but thereabouts. She had felt his presence for a moment before the Valkyries had sent him back to whatever realm he occupied. He was happy, contented. The realization that he was well had kept Kenzi sated: she would see him again when it was her time to join him, to finally wed her favorite siren.

That time was far off, and she was lonely now. She didn't want to go back to Bo. She still felt out of place next to her in the fae world. A world that made her weak in comparison.

D-man would miss her by now, a little less than aware that Kenzi had left at all. He was too busy with Lauren, last time she had checked in with Bo, she needed some serious karate skills that wolfman was teaching her.

Bo mentioned Trick was not missing the bar tab as much as he was truly missing her. That made Kenzi feel better, because at least Trick acknowledged her place and the empty seat she wasn't currently filling. They were all glad that she was getting better, even though she had not admitted how truly terrible she felt in that first week alone.

There was one more person she thought about seeing, someone who wouldn't bother her with sadness. He cared only for a good time, exactly what Kenzi wanted. A good time with a Cockney accent and bona fide style.

“Phone.” She called out. She couldn't see anyone in sight, but knew that wasn't an issue. She only had to give any order, speak aloud her desire, and it was fulfilled by the staff. She hadn't touched her phone in weeks, figured the staff must know where it was since she had lost track of it. She hadn't wanted to talk to anyone much. Bo had called her twice; once when drunk and asking where the hell Kenzi was. The other time she was sober, and trying to make light of how empty the clubhouse was. She might redecorate soon, she had added. Kenzi hadn't called since, and neither had Bo. She didn't mind.

She stretched out on her reclining tan bed, her swimsuit sure to have created a pretty sexy tanline. She admired her suit; it wasn't a two piece bikini per se, with a thin strip of fabric connecting the spot in between her breasts with her navel down to her bikini bottom, bloody pink at the top, ombred hues leaving the bottom stark white. The day at her private poolside had been very enjoyable, complete with all the cocktails and martini mixes she could down. The setting sun glared off of the glass screen of the phone as it was set down on the table beside her. Lost in her thoughts, Kenzi didn't even see anyone come or go. Fae staff. They really did minimize the possibilities of her seeing them, reducing the ability to make small talk.

Phone in hand, the battery was just enough to make a call to a certain Mesmer. But she halted once she hovered over his number, flashing back to the last time she called him. Asking him to help torture Massimo. Him backstabbing her just to set Massimo free. Kenzi realized she had not spoken directly to him since he left her in Trick's home, curled up on the floor weeping. She could barely even say his name since then, refusing to forgive him.

What had changed? Maybe Vex would have forgotten about it by now, a routine betrayal, nothing out of his normal day. He might not even be aware she was gone any more than Dyson was. _God, I hope not_ , she thought. _Hale's okay now, and Massimo is dead. I might not ever forget, but perhaps I can forgive him? I just want...I wish…_

She couldn't finish the thought, but her mind put together the words her heart screeched out. She wanted his friendship again, missed having him as a mascara buddy. She hoped he missed her, too. It would ruin the month of progress she made here in Spain if he didn't care about her anymore.

At that moment, she felt more like asking for forgiveness herself, than demanding it from him.

_Stupid human._

Bitterly, she rose. The sky had darkened, and though there was plenty of light provided by the house and the deck, she wanted to go back inside before the sky became completely black. She'd get dressed before she called him. She'd have dinner first, and take a warm shower. Charge the phone some more. As soon as she began adding more to that list, she realized that she was dreading calling him, putting it off.

Kenzi hovered her perfectly manicured nail over the green call button. _Maybe I should call it a night and try tomorrow._ She settled on the thought, both relief and sadness sinking in. Trudging up several flights of ornamental staircases, she entered a master suite. Her room. Clothes were spread over the floor and the night stand by her bed. No one had picked them up: dresses of fine make that catered fabulously to her hard to pinpoint taste everywhere, everything a mess as she had left it when she went tanning hours ago. She sighed in frustration, although that was her fault. Kenzi didn't want the staff in her room if it could be avoided. Once a week the cleaning maid would dust and vacuum and tidy the closet. But no more than that. Kenzi found that she hadn't been very good at hiding things here, as the open notebook on her bed suggested. That diary was what she used to measure and evaluate how she was feeling, how she grounded herself to the life she had. If anyone had come in and read it, they wouldn't do anything surely, but it was still a privacy Kenzi wanted. She changed out of the dry suit, and slipped on black silk garments.

Vex would be alive tomorrow, maybe not waiting for her, but he certainly couldn't grudge her for waiting a few more hours.


	3. We Don't Sleep At Night

_ He would never hear her warning. He had whistled too loud, damaged his own ears. He was dizzy with his power thrumming through his lips. He thought he killed Massimo, defended his lover. She smiled before she cried out, Hale noticed too late that there was a blade protruding from his own chest.  _ Don't cry, lil momma, _ he wanted to say.  _ I'm right here, you're safe.  _ He wanted to hear her whispering loving confessions over pints of ice cream. He was in love with her, he was going to marry her, Kenzi was going make it.  _

_ But he wasn't, he was already dead. He never heard her scream when he hit the floor. _

Kenzi was sure that Hale could hear her from where he was in the afterlife. She screamed like she was dying, and she felt like it. A fae had been shaking her bare shoulder, trying to rouse her from sleep. The second Kenzi acknowledged her, she stopped shaking and promptly left, muttering about useless humans and tea. She shivered. She hoped that Sylvette was going to bring her something hot and comforting, preferably fruity.

But now Kenzi was wide awake, no hope of falling back asleep anytime soon. She hadn't even been asleep that long, a glance at her charging phone telling her she'd gotten less than two hours of sleep. It was only half past ten. Groaning, she pressed back the covers and ran to the vanity dresser, grabbing her kimono of a bathrobe and wrapped it around like a shield.

She found her notebook from where she had hidden it before falling asleep. Sitting at the vanity, she flipped through the pages, her looping handwriting detailing her progress when she had a good day, or other nightmares when sleep eluded her. The last entry was dated three days before, mostly containing Kenzi’s excitement at having found a decent night club. The entry before that was an entire week previous to the current day. It was a night that Kenzi had felt so unstable, that nothing on the page made sense: she had a nightmare of Hale but he wasn't just dying, he was suffering, tortured by Massimo. She had written of feeling pain in her own body, in places she knew were safe and sound.  She saw hastily worded Russian phrases, claiming how she misses him and needs him and if everything else be damned she will have him with her again.

Tonight had been her first nightmare since then, and while that felt like a new winning streak, it hardly felt like she was getting better. Still having nightmares. It needed to end soon, getting better had to come quickly and save her from what was a slow descent into madness and pain.

A soft  _ clink _ aroused the girl from the paper. A tea tray had been placed on the nightstand, Sylvette already out the door again. Darjeeling scented steam wafted to Kenzi, beckoning her to pour from the decorative pot. The phone in its bloody anime case chimes next to it, another distraction from the distraction. A _ text from Bo, maybe?  _ Tempted to check, Kenzi opts for grabbing a pen and instead writing some more, pouring herself tea and loading it with sugar. 

Forgetting about the text, Kenzi marathons several Bacon movies she has on DVD. She'd like to laugh again, but nothing seems right. It's too soon to laugh.

~~~

_ Holy shih-tzu, I forgot. _

Again, Kenzi had found herself drinking spiked tea and watching movies late at night. She barely remembered from a fortnight ago that she had heard the phone go off, but after she woke up to the alarm on her phone the next day, she turned it off completely so she could sleep in. That had become her routine now; stay up late and sleep in the day. Nocturnal as any owl, she would go clubbing, or stay in to binge watch movies or play her ps4 until dawn. She'd had a good time these past few weeks, able to socialize, smiling at men in the club, flirting herself silly, but ultimately leaving them empty handed. The locals were a good try, but soon there was an obvious barrier in her mind:  _ they'll never be as good a time. _

This had finally reminded her that she had wanted Vex around again, or that she considered calling him for their own type of a good time. And the text from whomever had simply been left unread since then as well. Wobbly from all the various schnapps and liquors she'd spiked her tea with for the past several hours, Kenzi got up, searching for the phone on the night stand. It hadn't moved an inch since she turned it off, but upon waking it up, there are a slew of worried texts from Bo over the last week, and one as late as last night. The first from two weeks ago throws her into a dizzy spell.  _ Something is wrong with Vex. _

Slowly, to avoid sheer panic, she read the rest of the messages, mostly Bo concerned that Kenzi hadn't checked in in a while, and  _ Vex is off the wall, call me ASAP! _

‘Off the wall’? If anything had happened to him, Kenzi felt it may as well have been her fault for not calling him sooner. If they were still friends, she might have been able to talk him out of doing something stupid, might have been able to help whatever he was going through. He might not have landed himself in whatever Dark Fae mess he was in. If only she had the balls to call him earlier, to confront him- but she had been selfish. Being selfish might have just cost her her best friend. Immediately she speed dialed the number. No one picked up. In the minute she waited to hear someone, anyone answer, her heart was beating, faster and harder and painful- balls, it was Hale’s death all over again. She tried it again, same result. She was going to puke: she was sick and drunk and scared, her breathing erratic and eyes wide. Kenzi tried again. Nothing. She was calling and she could see herself already too late because he was dead and it was her fault no one was picking up-

But then a miracle! “Damn it, can't anyone ever bloody sleep?” 


	4. Old Friend Or Foe?

Someone had answered, and she was near tears, crying out his name. “Vex?!” 

A ragged breath on the other end sounded. “ _ Kenzi?! _ What in the name of the Dark…” there was more furious breathing from him.

“Vex, what's going on? Bo had me terrified that something was wrong with you-” 

“Wrong with  _ me?  _ Kenzi, I thought you were dead!” He shouted. “Where in the world are you, where have you been?” 

_ Bo must have told him about the Sinbad, but he still thought I was dead? Didn't anybody tell him?  _

Able to breathe, she explained that she'd been rescued from Valhalla and had since been in Spain to cope with everything, to escape. She held back asking him what Bo meant about his off the wall behavior. There'd be time for that later, but now, she just needed to know that Vex was alive.

But then he was sobbing. “God, Vex, are you crying?” Excusing the fact that  _ she _ had just been crying about  _ him, _ she wondered if it actually was Bo that told him. She would have told him everything, including the Valhalla trip and the vacation Kenzi was taking. “Vex, please, come see me. I want to talk about everything.” The call buzzed, but she could hear nothing anymore, like he had hung up on her. “Vex?” 

“You selfish vixon.” He was behind her. Kenzi jolted when his hand latched on her shoulder, spinning her to face him.  _ How the hell... _

Christ. Vex was a mess. His hair, usually always a stylish mess was frizzy and oily, as if he hasn't bothered with bathing. Unless bathing in a malt whisky counted. Smelling him made her eyes sting. Dark circles mooned his under eyes, indicating he indeed hadn't been getting any measure of bloody sleep or cleaning makeup residue. He was only wearing a black tank and sweat pant bottoms, loosely hanging off his hips. Hand clenched at his side, Vex looked like hell. 

“How long?” He asked, his voice a clearer rasp than how he had sounded on the phone moments ago. Vex’s lower lip trembled, brows drawn down in… _ God, does he hate me? _

“How long were you going to make me suffer?” Kenzi found her breath leaving her again, and pain was renewed with the resemblance of Vex's state to her own just days after Hale died. Vex had been crying. Even now those dark eyes were shining as he stood before her, his hand crushing her shoulder. “Answer me, damn you!” A tear furiously slipped down his red cheek. 

“I thought… Vex, Bo said that-” 

“Said what, that I needed to repent like a sinner to a saint? More atonement for what I done?” His voice was angry, his eyes were in pain and both Vex's hands were grasping at her body. “How much could you have hated me for what I done to you?” 

“No, no please, Vex, it's not like that, Bo was supposed to tell you everything! I didn't think you would hurt this much, I thought you'd have found out from Dyson or Trick or someone. I don't hate you, I thought you hated me.” Shaking, stumbling over what she could piece together. “Whoever told you I died, you should have known about how Bo saved me- Vex, who told you?”

Slowly, his reaction made his face less cringing, more bitter and hardened, his eyes as wide and glazed as heat mirages. His lips barely moved, whispering, then roaring. “The Morrigan. Evony, that bitch. I'll kill her I swear-” 

“No just stop for a sec, breathe,” Kenzi tried to put her arms around his waist for an embrace, but Vex held her at a distance, his eyes studying her face since he appeared. 

“Kenzi, if you were dead, I didn't want to be alive anymore. Not after I… Not after freeing that idiot of a druid.” The confession touched sweetly for a moment before it turned to lead horror in her heart: Vex, if nothing else, was a survivor. He didn't get attached so he could look out for number one. Plus, in all of his hundreds of years of Dark Fae life, he had to have known at least some humans, and undoubtedly had witnessed them pass on, and lived through that. If he had wanted to die because of her… Wasn't that enough of an apology automatically? 

“Vex.” Shaking her head she lightly poked his waist. “Don't you say things like that. I'm not dead, not anymore. I'm right here.”  _ I'm right here little momma… _

“I'm right here, I’m… I'm gonna…” She was going to cry. There was too much death running through her mind, not enough air in her lungs and too much liquor in her head to keep her standing. She felt like she might have been swaying this whole time, but now she was certainly going to fall. The air felt thick and fuzzy. As the room tilted it only then occurred to Kenzi that Vex was even more sloppy drunk than she was. Would he be able to carry her to the bed without dropping her, let alone catch her?


	5. Washed Up, Two Ways

She found out when she woke up. Her back was curled against his chest, his fingers slowly running through her light hair.  His own chest was heaving even breaths under the blanket Vex had pulled over them. Safe in bed and not on the floor, she was already victim to a hangover. Surely he wouldn't grudge her a few more hours sleeping like this, safer than she had ever felt sleeping here in Spain. One of his hands protectively around her stomach, she put her hand over his and fell back in a drowsy light sleep.

~~~

Now, shock and relief had funny ways of exhausting people. By the time Kenzi had reawakened, her bedroom windows had a setting sun to shine through them. She had slept the whole late night, morning and day away, lying here with...Wait, where was Vex? Rousing fully, she realized there was no one at her back, nothing but a silky hand stitched pillow. Around the room were all sorts of clubbing outfits she had been trying on before giving up and staying in to drink. Her tea tray was still laying on the little table next to the chaise at the edge of her bed, facing the large TV. She'd had one of the largest screens moved into her bedroom since she had found it easier to watch her favs in here rather than have to walk up another flight of stairs to what was now her gaming room. Her phone was right in the very place she had left it two weeks ago, on the nightstand by her bed.

Clothes, phone, tea, empty bottles of liquors. No Vex. Groaning, she wondered whether or not it was a dream. Or a very drunk hallucination. She was betting the latter was the case, and got out of bed, stumbling to her vanity, where a bottle of aspirin was waiting in a drawer somewhere. Her hand found nothing when she searched the first two small drawers on the lefthand side. She opened another compartment and found only her notebook, its spiraling, handmade, sharpie doodles making fun of her bleary eye sight. She sighed, resigning herself to not finding the pills as soon as she would have liked. She’d most likely find them in the bathroom. She could stand the headache and nausea for a while longer, because now she wanted to write. Last night, Kenzi had felt safe, and deemed that it was worth writing down. Maybe she could fool herself into thinking she was getting better at last. Although she was wary of a false alarm of peace, she wanted it to be true so badly, she’d have to fake it until it became real. Kenzi was already having a happier experience here since finding the club. It wasn’t totally in her style, not quite like Carpe Noctem, but it was still wonderful. She could be fine if she just tried harder, just a little while longer. Maybe if she was strong enough to be actually happier, she’d go back and visit Bo, D-man, L bomb, and even Vex. Kenzi wrote it all down. _Get better, try harder, see Vex sooner._

She looked back at the bed again. Too sweet a dream. The only good dream she’d had since leaving Bo. And it was of Vex. It seemed just a little bit wrong now. What did it mean that her subconscious wanted to see him above anyone else?

Just behind her closet door, something crashed, the sound of breaking glass rousing her from the notebook. She froze, her mind racing through the possibility that just maybe it hadn't been a dream. Kenzi flew into the closet to indeed find Vex, standing above a tipped over stand alone mirror, shining pieces of glittery glass embedded in the plush carpet. He was still wearing his sweatpants, but now he had taken off his tank, an urban, flowery, lace shirt around his arms like he was been trying on all of Kenzi’s clothes. He was frowning at the shards at his side. He had probably walked back into it on accident. “Vex.” Caught, his eyes widened with surprise and his mouth fell open, struggling for an explanation. “Ah, love, I didn’t mean to wake you! But the sod tipped over on its own, right, so, uh-”

Kenzi waved it off. “I don’t care about the stupid mirror, Vex. You didn’t wake me, I just thought you had left without saying anything.” Kenzi herself became very self conscious about what little she was wearing- a sleeveless skin hugging silk shirt that plunged down the front of her body, showing the tan line from her one piece over her navel, and tiger striped underwear.

He moved to speak again, but Kenzi wouldn’t hear it. “I think we could both use a costume change and then we’ll break news over breakfast.” She shooed Vex out of her closet so she could change first, and advised him to shower before he tainted her clothes. It came out a little harshly, but a hungry, hungover Kenzi was not something to mess with in the morning before a double dose of Belgian waffles. He left like a scolded puppy.

One quick glean at the racks and shelves of clothes, and she lost herself in thought. Dressing automatically, not caring what she pulled on, she replayed the few words they’d spoken before she passed out. “... _If you were dead, I wouldn't want to be alive anymore…”_ oh gods was he really serious? Vex had shown up out of nowhere just to tell her that he had been slowly dying over her while she was recuperating over Hale. He blamed himself for her death, that much was evident. But how badly did he hate himself to want to die? She shivered. She could ask him herself, in a few moments over coffee. She walked to the paneled wall speaker to put in an order for breakfast and drinks to be sent to her room. Lots and lots of food was necessary. And makeup. And so many aspirin.

She exited the colossal wardrobe and strode into the little antechamber to her bathroom to make sure Vex was cleaning himself up while they waited. Rounding out the door, she stopped in her tracks as her eyes took in the mess of a man she used to live with. Thinner than when she had last seen him, he wasn’t totally gaunt, but his skin wasn’t healthy looking either. A yellow pallor had set in. He had showered, thank Bacon, but he wasn’t dressed. Of course Kenzi didn’t have his size or style of clothes in her closet, but that’s not what worried her right then. He was just sitting in a bathrobe on the floor, next to the large claw footed tub, his hand hanging on the the lip. “Vex! What happened? Are you sick?” she approached him quickly, lowering herself to the floor. His eyes were closed, one hand laying limp at his side. Kenzi gently tapped his shoulder in case he was just asleep. He startled awake, his head jerking forward in a panic. She tried her best to calm him, but then he covered his arm and sagging back, sighed in relief. “Vex, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I’ve not slept so well is all.” She knew there was something more. His quick reaction to being woken up was to hide himself. Vex wouldn’t meet her eyes, and he seemed not drunk, but something else. High maybe, or spun. Glancing at his arm he had seemed so necessary to cover up, she had a sinking feeling. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know that he was shooting Tina if that were the case. It broke her heart that she thought he could be like this.

But she would leave it alone for now. “Well, fine. Breakfast is ready, so come eat something before I eat it all.” She got up and decided that when Sylvette came in with the food, she’d get some clothes for Vex from her.


	6. ShowCased Blushing

Vex said very little during their breakfast. He was clothed but still did not move his left arm very much, the one he hid after waking up. His motions were jerky instead of his usual lanky fluid self. It didn't seem like Vex at all. Kenzi tried various times to start a conversation, but she was grasping at threads by the time it took her to drink her third cup of coffee. She was now getting more and more frustrated with him, building up her hate against him as strong as it was a month ago.

But _that,_ of course, was the opposite of getting better. She didn't want to start falling backwards just when she wanted progress the most. She had to take some kind of step forward, but Vex was making it very hard for Kenzi. Despite the sad, sympathetic, nurture-needing character he'd been last night, this was a totally different side to Vex that Kenzi wasn't sure how to deal with. Whenever he had been this irritating, he usually left to hunker down with annoying someone in his night club. But she wanted to talk about what Bo meant with those cryptic texts. He was here because last night, she asked him to be there. Last night he was drunk and so was she and they could actually talk like that. So that gave Kenzi the brilliant idea that they should forget trying to be formal. They would go clubbing that night. There was nothing to compare to Carpe Noctem here, but Vex would never turn down fun. Exactly what she wanted in the first place. An exciting night with someone she was familiar with, drinking not just by herself, but with someone who's tolerance barely rivaled her own.

“Clubbing?” She offered. Vex's head perked up, and a sly smile drew lines around his mouth in a grin.

“Ah, you know me. Not one to turn down fun like that. Where we going?” Breathing easy again, she smiled.

“I'll have the car come round.” She had an idea of which club to take him to, but not an inkling of an idea as to where he could obtain suitable clothes for the evening.

“And could you maybe mention where you keep the powder room? I'm in need of a good blush.” Kenzi had no trouble showing him her incredible selection of makeup, blushes, bronzers, eyeliners, eyeshadow palettes, highlighters, mascara and of course, the thousands of expensive brushes necessary for application. Walking into the closet again, there were two side doors, one that lead to drawers and shelves of every Sephora worthy brand of makeup, plus all the other brands that didn't carry half the chemicals as the American ones. She was very proud of what she had to offer, and already she was composing the necessary ingredients for a bomb look. The other door on the other hand...nevermind about what was behind the subtly hidden door across from her makeup counters. She turned around, ready to suggest one of the numerous eyeliners for Vex. Vex, however, was caught up in the show cased brushes, so many handles held in place by smooth ribbons on their velvety holders. She noticed that Vex was standing where her favorite was encased in a glass pedestal. She realized, blushing unironically, it was the very ivory handled blush brush Vex had given her to take care of until he demanded it back. Or whatever he had implied at the time. But now, he was smirking at the homage Kenzi had paid to his gift.

“Can't hate me too much then,” he muttered, “if you still kept that safe.”

“Vex,” she started, then paused. Why was he thinking she hated him? What made that thought so persistent? Kenzi didn't hate him, just this attitude. _I wanted him when I wanted no one else. I don't hate him, it's just the opposite. Why can't I explain that to him?_

It occurred to Kenzi that maybe it was as much the way she blamed Bo for Hale’s death, or even herself, but on a much more volatile level. Vex, for all his powerful mesmer days and Fae years backing him, he could still be prone to his weak moments. After so many years of holding in things like regret and trying to play the insouciant bastard, it had finally found an outlet. He was taking it all out on himself.

Kenzi suddenly felt herself determined not to let him feel that way. She'd help him to withdraw from those negative habits, stop him from deteriorating like she was. Standing behind him, she rose to her toes so she could reach, wrapping her arms around him, whispering into his ear, “I stopped hating you a long time ago.” he placed his hand over hers. His next breath shuddered as he said “No one hates me more than I do, love. But you,” he turned so they were facing each other, still holding onto her hands. “You are a close second.”

“Vex,” she listed her head slightly. His eyes pierced hers. They were full of the self loathing he mentioned moments before, pleading with her. If it was an invitation to hate him or to forgive him she couldn't decipher. Perhaps hating him would give him closure, some measure of certainty. Vex would find clarity in his actions; If she truly despised him, that would fuel his descent into his already dark mind, he would know what he had been doing this whole time without her was right. But if she could prove that she still held a precious place in her heart just for him, would it help put a stop to his depression?

Now there was the question of _how_ to prove such a thing. By all means, for what he had done to her, she should hate him. She didn’t regret her rancorous feelings following Hale’s death, but now she had met some kind of peace with it. Now was a different story, where they were alone and separated from the world that had hurt her. Here she was rebuilding herself, coping with a process that left her wanting so badly to replace the person who loved her more than anyone else. She wanted love again. She desired to give forgiveness to anyone if it could improve her mind’s health. Kenzi wanted and wanted and knew of no other way to prove it. She leaned forward and kissed him.

Vex nearly took a step back, but then after a moment to process what she was doing, he kissed her back. Slowly, he moved his lips against hers in a very subtle, gentle way, as if he were afraid that maybe he’d wake up from a dream at any second and he’d be kissing his pillow. Kenzi ran her hands up the length of his forearms, up the sleeve of his jacket until she reached her soft hands around his neck. Her fingers splayed out into his hair, pressing his mouth harder on hers. His hands were dormant, not sure whether Vex should run his hands through her hair, grab her waist and pull her close, or push her away. He didn’t deserve this, surely: his sins were too great to reckon a miracle like kissing Kenzi. But his hands were already wandering of their own will, or perhaps Kenzi had become the Mesmer now, controlling him to taunt him for what he could never truly have. They traveled different paths, one hand cupping her face, the other snaking around her small waist, almost like he were clutching his prey. His heart was beating faster, adrenaline from both panic and pleasure warming his gut.

Kenzi’s was fluttering with delight: Maybe this would work after all! If she could keep him in her clutches, perhaps he wouldn’t fall away. This could be something real that Kenzi desperately needed, and damn the gods if she was going to let him go now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention previously the disclaimer that Lost Girl is not mine, nor is the story or its facilitating characters. I own nothing whatsoever!


	7. Heavy Hearts Will Write, Will Sink, Will Burn

Vex wasn't sure where he thought this kiss was going. This moment was one he'd treasure once it was over, but soon enough it  _ would _ be over and nothing good could follow. Abruptly he withdrew from Kenzi. Perhaps he might wake up from this daydream, awaken to making out with a bed ornament. For this reason he didn't open his eyes. Kenzi's pillow hand came up to caress his cheek, a silky bedsheet rustle. She whispered his name, forcing him to look at her. Not a vision, not a dream, Kenzi truly was in front of him, her lips puckered and reddened from kissing him harshly. The lilt of her mouth was bordering a smile, hopeful, happy, relieved. 

“Don't do that again.” It made no difference, he thought, whether she was real or not, kissing him was just a tease. 

Kenzi’s heart sank and slammed into her stomach with an audible thud.  _ I thought I was almost getting to him... _

But who was she kidding? He was already stages father into a process she wasn't confident she could reverse. He wouldn’t stop blaming or hating himself because he believed he was too far gone for help or penance. This, it dawned on her, was his penance. In Vex’s mind, this was the only thing he deserved, just pain and estrangement. Isolation from the one girl who he thought should hate him with all her small body’s passion. It was a passion he had destroyed, tampered with and nearly put out. He would destroy himself in turn.

“If you want to hurt someone, hurt me.” Kenzi held his hands to her sides, daring him. “I can’t stand seeing you like some debased, tortured soul. Hurt me, Vex!” 

His arms shuddered, his fingers twitching and his nails digging into his palms. Vex wouldn't look into her eyes, so Kenzi kept shaking him, yelling at him. Get him mad enough, she knew he'd lash out at her.  _ Better do something, dammit! Vex, I'm two shakes away from throttling you! _

“Kenzi, don't test me!” He cried out, trying to twist out of her grasp. He could do it easily but if he hurt her he knew he wouldn't want to stop. “I've not been any saint since I thought you dirt napped. Kenzi, I've done things that now I can't stop myself from doing.” Head hung, arms limp in her grasp, he began sobbing. “I can't hurt you, if no one else, I can't hurt you.”

“Vex,” she seethed, “villainy and Dark Fae be damned, I don't care what you've done to anyone else. This is about  _ us, _ and you will have me or so help me God, you will regret nothing more than this.” She swatted at his head so he'd finally bring his eyes to hers. She dug her nails into his arm, where he instantly pulled away. “Vex, what have you done? What's so  _ bad _ about your arm?” 

He shoved her, shielding his sleeved arm. “That's enough about this,” he spat with venom. “I'd like to find this club you're so keen on seeing, before I die of boredom and little twats sobbing in my ear.” He left out the room, slamming the rich wooden door on the way, leaving Kenzi alone with her brushes and makeup to hide her puffing eyes.  _ Don't you dare cry, don't you cry, Kenz...goddamn it, Vex. _

Vex had seen her as some kind of immovable angel statue, like she wasn't truly alive or able to forgive. Kissing him had done nothing but give her some momentary shimmer of false hope. But like the sun that she woke up to, that hope was all but going, going, almost gone. 

Kenzi could feel the heat in her face subside, the rush of blood leaving. As she cooled off, she began choosing all the little tools and equipment she'd need for the night. If Vex wanted to make an angel of Kenzi, she would show him just how angelic she could be. At the end of the night, he would also see just how that image wouldn't continue to cling to her like a lace bodice. She knew that deep down, there was no pair of wings that made her better than anyone else. But if it would show Vex up, she'd don them just the same. Even if she'd only strip them off in front of him and prove that she was able to love him again. 

_ With a kiss like that, maybe I'll strip something else off for him.  _ She thought, heated all at once again. As far as Kenzi had been thinking, it wasn't exactly platonic. She wanted to have fun, but now it was going someplace else. Friendship, a chance at being mascara buds again. Instead they were kissing. And Vex had not been barely able to refuse, because he didn't think he deserved it. Not because he didn't want her. Telling him to hurt her, to hit her- that was a strange part of Kenzi that was, admittedly, a decent sized chunk of her. What it wanted was something crazy, wild and breathless with the Mesmer outside the closet. That part wanted more than buddy action. Kenzi was set on enticing him all the more now, determined to make him her own and force him underneath her body in order to persuade him. 

The outfit was entirely white. It was an empire waistband dress with a big sash tying round her middle, sleeves to the elbow, slight v neck, and thigh length. The ends of the sash hung just a few inches above her knees, circling her tiny waist twice. It kept the actual wings in place, firmly at her back. Yes, Kenzi had managed to dig through the casual, formal, banquet, and rave wear until the clothes became costumes, and found soft, down feathers thickly coating whatever wire was holding the wings straight along her shoulders. The dress even had sleeves that had small bits of snow like fluff running down the outer arm with the seam of the fabric, matching the wings perfectly. The liner-less nude eye makeup perfectly complemented the honey tone of her recently dyed hair and lent the whole ensemble a purity that Kenzi had never tried to play up. Feigning innocent, yes, but nothing quite as God inspired as this.  _ Not to be an angel with a shotgun, but I've got a boy to charm and Heaven to mess up. _

Satisfied with the end result (having found a mirror Vex hadn't accidentally tipped over), Kenzi strode out of the closet with her heels in hand. “Vexter!” She called out, ready to call the car around via Sylvette after seeing Vex dressed. However, upon lifting her gaze around the bedroom, again, it was amiss of one very Dark Fae. “Come on mister, we've got a club to tear up!” 

Other than the missing man, there was something else off-putting as well. Had Vex messed around with her vanity mirror? It had been sidled away from the wall just a wedge, but it still sent a little triggering wave of alarm as she noticed her perfume bottles having been knocked over as well. She held a breath, slowly exhaling with the relief that at least he hadn't broken that mirror or discovered what was behind it. Kenzi noted the tray of waffles from earlier was gone, and Vex hadn't eaten much from it. Maybe he was searching for the kitchen in hopes for a meal before jetting off with her. Or that was what she figured until he was in front of her in the blink of an eye, no sound, no trace of smoke. He had materialized out of nothing, simply withdrawing himself out of a shadow close enough to Kenzi to kiss her again. Suddenly blinged out, Vex didn't seem surprised to be almost stepping on her toes, but looked at the wings with uncertain eyes. 

“Sure you'll be able to move around the club with those stumps?” That sounded more like the regular Vex she knew. She smiled and then paid him in kind. 

“No one will bother glancing at my wings with your hair like that. It was a mess before, but now it's a nest. Ever heard of a comb?”

“Forget combs, love,” he smirked, “ever hear of those little diaries for little girls at Justice or what have you instead of this-” in his hand, it had gone completely unnoticed until now, when he lifted up her “-dull notepad.”

_ No, no he  _ did  _ move the mirror.  _


	8. Collapsed Vessels

She was just over the hangover enough to not care about his magic act and to feel her stomach dropping at the sight of her private thoughts in his hands. “Oh, you did not-” 

“But I did,” Vex smiled a little more at her discomfort, then tossed it back to her. “I even annotated.” 

Tearing the pages open to a random place, Vex had actually scrawled things in the margins and doodled in red pen, like a correcting teacher over a student's work. “Vex, how could you-” 

“Look at all your dirty secrets? Relax love, you wrote the damn thing, you know how depressing it was. Such a bore to read it at first, but then, two weeks ago…” Kenzi's heart hammered, knowing what he would find. With Vex smiling haughtily at her, she blushed. Vex would know it now, how she felt. That had once seemed like an omen of good fortune, since that was what she wanted to begin with! But somehow, that devilish confidence, that desperate need for him seemed to abate itself when she wasn't in control. He was at full douchebag Vex mode, set to blast Kenzi. “Two weeks ago, you see fit to mention me. And no slight remarks, either! You, according to these pages of stuffy, nauseating jibjab,” he yanked the pad out of of her hands, skimming to the last entries, dated and signed. “'...miss the Mesmer more than anyone, if that's possible. I need more than that precious brush of his to feel him here with me. So damned lonely here, and only he will fix it now.’ Now isn't that just the soppiest love confession I've ever read, or I'm not Ozzy Osbourne's biggest fan. It's _ so  _ trashy, I can't even be flattered.”

In the oddest 180 ever pulled on Kenzi, she had no idea what to do. If she tried to be serious and clarify what she meant, he'd only joke and brush her off.

“Come on Vex,” she managed to croak out, not entirely sounding convincing. “Take it in stride for what it is. I said I missed you- I did. I wanted to see you, and now that you're here we can waltz into that club like it's our own playground.” She tried waltzing up to him as a distraction, slowly grabbing the metal spirals holding the paper together, gently loosing it from his grip.  _ Please don't have read the last entry! If I can just edge it away from you now… _

Siding up to Vex, her waist meeting his and running her arms alongside his again, she made the most disarming expression she could conjure. His focus though, was solely on Kenzie's body, his eyes roving her wings, shoulders, and V neck, staring at the tanned skin, the hint of a tan line engraving her breasts and navel, sinking below the dip of the deep V. 

_ V for Vexed, _ she thought distantly.

The pad went slack in his hands, and as Kenzi claimed a silent victory, hoping to perhaps  toss it under the bed with a flick of her wrist so it was out of his reach for a few moments, he began chuckling, showing fine teeth biting his lower lip. “Don't think I didn't not read that last page there, poppet.” The paper still in hand began to burn, the edges curling away from the kiss of embers. The metal ring scorched Kenzi's hand, forcing her to drop it. Soon as her fingers were free, flames sprung to lethal life and devoured Kenzi's writing. “Now, what were the exact words again?” She cut her eyes to Vex, his fingers tipped with a little blue whisper of a flame. She tried stepping away, but quick as she was, he was quicker. His hands enclosed themselves around her little wrists, Vex's ever angering smile tugging at his mouth and Kenzi struggled with not kicking him. Pressed against the wall, pinned down by his gaze and warm skin, she could only remain still as he came close enough to breathe the same air. “Come on, love. What'd you say so convincingly?” 

“You read it yourself.” she couldn't say it. Now Kenzi was caught up in convincing him to tone it down a notch. She wanted him to know she could forgive him, that she didn't despise him with all her soul. There was still a place in her bleeding heart for him where she lurved him. She had wanted his company, but as the Vex that cared about her feelings, and didn't want to play with them. He believed it now, that much was good at least. But now her vulnerability was going to fall backwards on her. Although it was the very same Vex as last night, the same guy who gave her the brush, she held very mixed feelings for these separate persons and moods he donned. Slipping out of one mood, and so easily into another was a jarring transition Kenzi hadn’t thought to prepare for. So much of his attitude was a disguise, Kenzi knew, but dealing with the ever fluid grace of his fluctuations felt impossible. All she wanted was the person hiding behind the mask. The mask he had on right now, well it didn't seem to want to come off. 

“Ah, yes but I'd so rather hear it coming from those pink lips myself. Now, make Vexie happy, darling.” He drew his hand up, and the pad on the floor jumped up into his hands.  _ Where did he get all these new powers?  _ She barely had time to wonder before the last entry was held inches from her eyes, every word undamaged, the burnt edges flaking off into grey dust that threatened the purity of her dress.

Kenzi closed her eyes, turning her head away in shame. This last entry had been from this morning, when Kenzi had woken up with the idea that Vex's visit had only been a dream. She had started to explain the complexity of wanting to keep that safe, sleepy ambiance of Vex around.  _ “If last night was a dream, then I shall dream this every night. I have felt nothing behind me but chills until I felt his warmth. It was only the Dark Fae who'd brought me pain who could fix it. Even if only in ethereal style, I wish the dream of Vex hadn't left. There is so much more my imagination could bewitch Vex to do if he were here…” _

The words burned her tongue as she spoke them, but once they betrayed her lips, they came pouring out of her. She was barely able to grind her teeth together to stay silent. 

“Hmmm, how very titillating,” he whispered. “But see now, I'm not a passing dream. So let's put that imagination to shame, ay?” Vex quirked his eyebrows as he whispered. The odd power play between them made Kenzi dizzy. When he was more vulnerable, that was when Kenzi felt comfortable being the same. But the more open he was to her, the more she wanted to take advantage of it and claim him for her comfort. There was a constant change in sub/dom roles between them in as many hours as they'd been together. Not knowing when she'd have the nerve to try again she leaned forward and caught his own mouth with hers. Vex's eyes laughed at her as he kissed with a fervor that was missing from the previous kiss. He tasted the tentativeness of her prodding tongue, felt her body lean into his curves. “Come on, you can do better, Angel,” Vex chastised demurely. Her hands still in his bare fingers, he finally began to loosen up, one hand reaching around her waist to untie the sash. 

_ I'll show  _ you _ to call me Angel.  _ The little clawed weapon he let go of found a delightful hobby running talons through his hair, tugging at all the strands before slipping downwards. Her nifty fingers had unlaced the dramatic buckles keeping his shirt closed in moments, nails scraping the fabric off of his chest and down his arms until her nails snagged on unsmooth skin. Breaking away from a heated kiss, she looked at the cause: scars. Ranging in color, shape and numbers, his left arm was not only proof of Kenzi's earlier suspicion of multiple needle stabs, but much worse.

The veins were shot to hell, broken up and collapsed so similarly to Kenzie's desires. Nearer to the outside flesh of his wrist there were little circular stamp-like scars. A small army of circles of raised skin declared even more, fresh burn marks. He didn't jerk away when she brushed her fingertips against the older looking scars, or react when she saw similar burns on his other arm to match. He let her see. That mask was finally cut away.

“How?” Let her ask questions, on the other hand...

“Kenzi-”

“This hurts. Seeing you hurt, wanting to do this hurts me. It's worse than any physical pain, Vex. How could you let this happen?”

“I did this myself. Ain't no one forced myself or done it to me. It's no picnic, but now I haven't been able to stop.”

“You… You like hurting yourself?” He nodded, tongue in his cheek. It became crystal clear he did not want to talk about it. As the sleeves fell away from his wrists, he tried brushing away the topic with a kiss, but Kenzi wouldn’t let it drop as quickly as his shirt.. “Is that some kind of new kink, burning yourself for kicks? That's…Vex, this is _ so _ fucked up!”

Frustration began eating at him. “Think I don't know that, love? But when you're head's in a tizzy over everything you done, you've got to wonder if maybe you deserve the pain…” he broke off abruptly, already sharing too much for his comfort. First, declaring he would die without her, and now this. Vex found that it was increasingly hard to keep secrets sober. At least when he was drunk he could forget.

Kenzi, unhappily was right: he thought he deserved it. On one hand, he had done terrible things: made mothers kill their children, or people stick their hands in garbage disposals. He murdered people for fun sometimes. Vex wasn't any kind of saint- but neither was Kenzi. She did things during her street life to survive, things she regretted doing. She wouldn't take any of it back now, but she did have a conscious about it. Stealing from bums, pick pocketing people just as desperate as she was, those were things that she knew she'd do again if her life depended on it. She wasn't proud to admit it, but she could relate to Vex at least a little bit. “You think you may deserve it, but you are better than this.”

He simply scoffed. “Ah, but now I'm a full blown masochist. Couldn't stop hurting if I tried.”

A masochist, yes, but also a sadistic head case that she had been burning for for too long. “So hurt me instead. If you want pain, share some with me. I can handle a little smacking every now and then.” Her cutting blue eyes were going to rip him apart if she joked much more.

His mouth parted, eyes lifted in clear surprise. “I won't hurt you, Kenz. I can't-”

His grip on her was gone. His warmth had long left her, and there she was. Burning without a flame, incited to take control of him while he was the weak one. “What, are you afraid to hurt me? Am I too fragile for you to be rough with? Am I some kind of weak angel, Vex? You aren't afraid to play with an angel, are you?” Her wings seemed to flutter and stretch out at her sides. Almost Valkyrie like, she knew she could inflict doubt to cross his mind. She was brilliantly dressed, but the angel act had to come to a close much earlier than expected. She wasn't pure. Kenzi would make him understand that she was not only able to lurve him, but that she needed to be lurved by him. They were equal and fair play for each other. She'd play his game and beat him. “Man the fuck up, and fucking hit me! Hit-”

“Enough,” he said. His hand reached out for her, to pull her hips against his again, but Kenzi was already disappointed. Vex wanted everything to be his alone, little papercuts and cigarette burns alike. Selfish Vex.  _ Stupid me. _

“Coward.” She threw his remaining hand away from her, quickly stepping away with her back to him, leaving him to stand alone in the window frame. Suddenly, she froze mid step to the door; her heart skittering, she hoped it wasn't in her head that he was controlling her, bringing her to him as he reached out for her. His hands closed around the hair at the base of her skull, pulling it backward to bare her throat. It threw Kenzi off balance, and her arms reached out for support. They found refuge around Vex's waist, fingertips snagging on his belt loops.

“A coward I may be, but-” He had her pulled in close, looking down at her tiny body. “What you offer, I will collect.” It was so fragile, so human. He could bend her, break her and taste the bruised form she’d be afterward. The tanned allure of her neck demanded he taste her now. He ran his tongue along her jaw line, drawing downwards to her collarbone, nipping and biting along the way. Kenzi’s throat bobbed as she swallowed, saying nothing. 

Her silence through it nipped at his heart in an almost painful purging kind of way. Vex wanted to hear her moan. If she wanted a share of his torture, he’d give it as long as he could hear the weight of it in her voice. Starting just above the knee, he raked his nails up the back of her thigh, lifting her leg so she could balance herself against him. His teeth closed over her earlobe and he bit down. Hard. His mouth tugged at her stud earrings, nearly pulling them out.

Finally it made her gasp. Pleased, Vex relented. Fragile indeed. He had bitten down harder on other women, other men, where they had found more pleasure in it than pain. Kenzi was new to this, and her threshold would be small. But, wickedly, he thought, he planned to build up her tolerance. He could melt wax over her nipples, whip her ass as she bent over the bed, waiting for his say so to release.

Just a little planning brought many more scandalizing ideas and excitement to Vex.

“Are we sure you're not some guardian angel? Heaven could strike me down for fondling you.” Vex joked as he pried at her dress, not sure whether it zipped in the back or if she could pull it over her head. Either way, he wanted it off her, and he wanted it off now. 

“Heaven is just a fad,” Kenzi breathed, then gasped as he bit down hard enough to bruise. He pinched her skin between his teeth, tugging away, licking it better, and then biting again. Vex didn't care for words, not when they were so far away from meaning anything. He knew what was on the tip of her tongue, and he would play with it until Kenzi begged. On the other hand, Kenzi was trying to bite her tongue without creating more distress: he was so rough, his hands not just tugging, but yanking at everything they landed on began to hurt her too much for comfort. She could take it back now, afraid of what else Vex could do in bed. But a hearty mix of pride and tainted pleasure barely kept her from asking for a safeword. 

Although exhaling a disturbed moaned caused Vex to pause. “Not so cocky now, are we?,” He chided, fingers underneath the hem of the dress, falling upwards on her thigh. The tip of his nose was just under her earlobe, gently poking, inhaling her indulgent, sweet and utterly human scent. 

Kenzi swallowed whatever reply she intended to spit out. She opted for reaching for his belt buckle blindly: Their hips were still pressed against each other.  _ I can be even cockier, given the chance _ . 

Vex caught on quickly to what she was doing. Midway through the process, he pulled himself from neck, pulled her head by her hair to force her to look at him. “Love, it's not fair when you're still fully dressed.”

Kenzi smirked sweetly. “Bad boys don't deserve to be treated fair.” She shoved his bare chest, causing him to nearly trip, shocked by her boldness with a smile. He continued backing up into the four postered bed. “Me? Bad?” Every word, another step. Every step taken was a step followed by Kenzi, taken with lust. “True as sky, I think  _ you _ need to be punished, not me.” Finally, his ankles meet the edge, and he sat down, looking not at all intimidated by Kenzi's show of force, but pleasantly surprised. His studded leather pants had grown much too tight too quickly, but the discomfort wasn’t totally bad. Prolonging it would make the climax all the better. Kenzi had dismantled the sash that fastened her wings around her. Without the belt, they fell ceremoniously to the floor. Useless, abandoned. Unneeded. “Still think I’m an Angel?” 

Vex loved the dramatic, and a childish hunger for flair and equipment and oh so much ragged breathing. “Darling, if you were, you won’t be for long.” 


	9. Toys? Where?

Kenzi had been poised over Vex as she approached, but the moment she settled herself straddling him, it was actually Vex who struck. He flipped them both, pinning Kenzi to the bed with his body completely pressed to hers. Her dress was short to begin with, but it wasn't short enough. It was skin tight, annoying to shimmy up her hips. Kenzi almost seemed to enjoy his annoyance with her clothing, her smirk slithering her mouth into a haughty grin. But Angels were all about fire, weren't they?

The smile left the instant his fingers tipped with flame. It was Vex's turn to grin. With his hands alight, he gently dragged those fiery nails across her dress, the white crisping and burning away in a slow show of embers. He made sure not to burn her, only the damned dress, the only thing between them besides his leather pants. Panic had creased a line in Kenzi's forehead before realizing that it didn’t hurt her. Vex was simply playing with her, taunting her with the promise of fiery passion. The fact that she had cowered just now did not make Kenzi feel very confident about how to proceed. Full of longing but not sure how to take the baby steps, like going through her first time all over again. Vex was a fully seasoned veteran when it came to carnal pleasure, making Kenzi feel like ever the amature dilettante. 

Whether Vex could sense her faltering, we’ll never know. He knew he had triggered something in Kenzi that made her eyes change; the way they echoed the burning away of the dress was like the slow disappearance of a length of cigarette. Something was shifting inside Kenzi, something he was going to make into a scintillating metamorphosis.

The dress was nothing but scattered grey ashes now. Cigarette girl indeed. Kenzi’s heart picked up again: he still had his studded leather pants, and he had burned away everything from her, panties and everything, showing her pert nipples. Though not quite as awake as the rest of her, Vex noticed. No matter, it was easy enough to lower his mouth from her neck, trailing hickies and nibbles down to her chest. As his teeth tugged and his tongue massaged the small but distinctly coloured areolas, her stomach was pooling with heat. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, naked and smooth, golden tan rods of warm flesh. His hands no longer were strangling her hair, but had trailed down with his mouth, his uneven nails pressing to her thighs, begging to own every inch of her. His fingers played around her hips in circles, the thumb just passing over the dip between her legs, teasing. It was causing Kenzi to squirm, already near begging Vex to move on. As Vex came back up to her mouth, she had put enough space between their waists that she might try to unbutton his pants. Her lips parted for his tongue, ready to devour him again. The belt was unbuckled, unbearably slow as it was unthreaded from their loops.

Through the kiss, she could feel the Mesmer laughing as it rumbled from his throat. Suddenly she could feel Vex tense up, but knew that she had nothing to fear even as she wondered what he was up to. If she had known that it meant he was about to use those Mesmer abilities of his, she might have been scared. If she had been distrustful of Vex, the laugh would have unnerved Kenzi and then she’d have demanded a safeword.  _ Spiders, Oklahoma, Barbecue  _ might, hilariously, be a handful of safewords she’s used in the past. But now? They are the furthest thing from her mind. 

What  _ was _ on her mind was that Vex had pulled her hands above her head, and affixed her wrists to a ornate spike of wood that made up her headboard using his own belt. Nice touch, although the thick band of it chaffed her a little. 

As though hearing her mind, a smirk lit his features. “Thought I’d have silk on hand, love?”

“Mmm, if you wanted silk, you only had to ask where my toy room was. Silk ropes, blindfolds, clamps...” she slowly went through what she remembered seeing inside. The discomfort caused by the belt pleased him, but the look in his eyes cranked up to a devious twist, and he purred, “Toy room? Should have something about that earlier, pet.” Even as Vex breathed the word ‘pet’, he was running his fingers through her silken locks, pausing only momentarily to wonder how hard he could pull it without breaking the honey gold strands. Or her neck. Gods above, humans were terribly breakable things, weren't they…  untangling himself from her legs, he made as if to find the room, rising from the bed. “Praytell, where is this room?”

Still worked up from his touch, she could only pout. If sex were food, she had been starved for months, with a feast set before her and yet unable to eat at all still. Taunted with amazing promises, she was already annoyed that Vex was  _ still wearing clothes _ , and that he was getting the better part of pleasure from it. She was aching where his fingers purposely forgot to travel in the dip of her waist. “Forget toys, Vex I just want you.” Yes, she was beyond faminous, and Vex was onto her hunger, and truthfully not far behind her. There was no thoughts of ‘fucking her right or not at all’ or anything pretentiously good like that. He wanted to shag her now. He wasn’t honorable, or kind, or even slightly inclined to be patient with his lustful tastes, but something kept Vex from leaping into the bed and pounding into Kenzi. Something in his Fae makeup wanted nothing but control. Not release, not a good time or to feed of of her sexual chi- it simply wanted her total submission, for her to beg, or be punished when he felt like it. Notwithstanding her inveterate attitude, he simply rummaged his hands over her stomach, trailing the tan line from her swim suit up back to her supple breasts. Kenzi’s eyes fluttered, waiting for a loving caress, until he pinched the nipple to a pained erectness and she cried out.

“Where?” He asked. His tone implied he would not ask again.

Kenzi licked her lips. “Closet. Across from the makeup stash.” She blinked away any possibility of a tear that also blew away Vex, gone the second her eyes flickered shut. She realized that Vex must have a very loose definition of “hurt”. What would he bring back with him? When she had discovered the closet, she hadn’t been in the mood to do any serious poking around, and neither had she been inclining to pleasure her lonesome self. Without holding her interest, she had promptly left the closet a mysterious hoard of naughty toys. There were basic things she had recalled to Vex of course, but that had barely scratched the surface of everything that remained hidden. There was so much Vex would be familiar with, but that left little comfort inside her gut, twisting with both anxiety and excitement. On the one hand he might know what she’d like to use; then there wouldn’t be any cause to be nervous. But at the same time, Vex hadn’t looked like he was 100 percent interested in pacing her accordingly for a beginning submissive, but rather that he was going to use her at the pace that pleased himself.

Back with an armful of things, Kenzi perked up at the sight of Vex, expectant. Keeping the items mostly concealed from her view, he immediately brought out a black blindfold, quick to secure it. Kenzi’s skin instantly prickled as her other senses picked up in absence of her sight. “Don’t want you peeking at all my goodies.”

Kenzi was almost sure she heard a clicking noise, like some kind of button, and a slight buzzing after. Vex voiced his approval. Impatient that he withheld, she let out a dramatic sigh. “Enough stalling, Vex. Don’t make me untie myself. If I’ve gotta take control, there’ll be hell to pay for you.”

Something whispered along her ankles. She gasped, not expecting the subtle quicksilver feather touches. Vex tsked her. “So impatient. There’s more to getting dirty than simply spreading mud all over.”

There was something else getting all over her lower lips that was already ‘dirty’ from his earlier teasing. All that seemed to melt away in irritation. He did start at an unbelievable beginner level: A Feather? He truly meant to drag this out if he was only going to start with a toy she was already familiar with. During her teenage years, she had fun with dabbling in some of the bdsm toys, but had never taken it too far. She never brought knives or whips into play, but stuck to fuzzy cuffs and soft rope.

She knew it wasn’t wise to go straight to hard bourbon or whiskey if you’ve never had a sip of beer or other light alcohol, but it wasn’t as if this was her first rodeo.

Legs still spread, Kenzi suddenly felt something press into the mouth of her cunt. Small but a little cold, she squeaked. “VEX! That’s cold as ice!”

Vex merely cackled as he shoved another piece of silk in her mouth. “Won’t be much fun if you keep squawking like that, love.” At the sound of another click, the cold thing inside her buzzed- a remote control vibrator. That would have seemed fine and dandy, but just as she started to relax again, there was another click, and a very different kind of buzz activated the toy: an electric shock. Choking on the gag she gasped. “Now.” He whispered in her ear, his breath warm. “Good girls get rewards, and naughty little vixens get punished.” to drive his point home, he set off a series of light shocks as he simultaneously rubbed his fingers against her clit.

Vex controlled every measure of kink she got- both pleasurable and painful. Kenzi was clear on the rules and spit out the gag to say so. 

“Perfect. Now we can start the real fun.”

~~~

A half hour later, Vex had dragged it out as long as he could without hurting Kenzi. She was the perfect submissive throughout his incessant teasing. He never ran the vibrator too long at once, and she didn’t complain but would moan at the loss of pleasure from the pink egg-shaped toy he’d slid inside her. He had immediately discarded the feather and opted for the other armful of things he brought from the fantasy room: a Wartenberg pinwheel, votive candles to melt, and anal beads, among other things. He had moved the pinwheel gently around her body long enough that by the time he decided he could press harder and press the button to vibrate at the same time, her hips bucked up as her legs shut, writhing in near climax, being so close to magical release- he barely had enough time to melt a votive enough to halt that orgasm in the wake of hot wax blazing a trail from her elbow to her breasts. He knew her body couldn’t help it, but he wouldn’t have been a good dom to let her first orgasm come from a stupid little toy before she came from him. Throwing the pinwheel to the beau, he was naked between her legs, removing the vibrator, delving his fingers inside her beautifully wet cunt. Kenzi’s hips bucked up again, pleased with the feel of his hands before they were gone.

Vex entered her the next second, slow to ease into before finding a steady pace, rhythmically thrusting into Kenzi. She twisted her arms, held down above her head. It was a visible strain for Kenzi, despite her glorious moaning his name, and moved to fix it. As his hips moved back and forth, he kept one hand wrapped around her tiny waist as the other hand reached above her to the belt buckle, fastened there not even an hour before and already being dismantled. Once her hands were free, one immediately lifted the blindfold off as well.

Kenzi was surprised to see the Mesmer’s eyes ringed in blue, the very neon blue that had tipped his fingers before he burned her dress. His eyes seemed to fade into an endless pit of black in their center, the pupil rapidly growing. She wasn’t scared of Vex. The silk mask fell from her hand hanging over the lip of the bed, falling to the floor. Kenzi felt undone by Vex, more than being naked and tied to helplessness in front of him, totally vulnerable, it was something far more emotional that overcame her. It was that he saw her her broken over another man while he was broken over her. And they were too complicated with their hearts to agree that they were in love with each other, but the connection they nurtured had just emerged from its cocoon, the wings colors of black tar that bound them together, tinged with the honey swirl of her hair, centered by the furious azure of his eyes. 

Never skipping a beat, Vex had felt it too. His Mesmer need for domination and control fell away just like the mask as he lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her softly as he wallowed in the pure thrill of her nails lingering over his body. Their touch as light as butterfly legs, her lips brushing his- suddenly her breath picked up at all once, her lower lips quivered slightly. Vex took this as a tell to speed up his thrusting just as she came, feeling near out of body in a cosmic orgasm that rocked her body and tugged her gut and thighs in delicious waves of release. Never breaking contact with his gaze she screamed his name, arms clinging to him like she might be torn away from him at any second, latching her legs around his waist securely, ensuring he did not pull out.

Just as she snapped into her body again, still feeling the lingering pleasure like Tina in her veins. Vex groaned, following close behind Kenzi’s orgasm in much the same way. He held himself up with his arms resting on either side of her, but now they shook with the weight of his own climax pulling him lower just as it had lifted Kenzi up. She wondered if that was just a fae thing, or if it was  _ their _ thing, their own magic they made together. 

“That was…” Vex started, literal steam cooling off from his skin that was much too warm to be normal. He swallowed whatever else he might have said. They both knew there weren’t words for it. They let it be.

He fingered her bruises as she admired the trails her nails had burned. They were good enough trophies to explain what had happened between them. Not that they were finished just yet.

“Now,” Kenzi said, her eyes lighting up into their own butterfly metamorphosis again, “My turn. Where’s that blindfold?” 


	10. Our Heavy, Tortured Hearts

He wondered aloud if she wasn't crazy for not making a fuss laying with him. Even if she hadn't recently died, even if she were still living with Bo, Kenzi realized that her life was too short to worry about things like that. She felt better there than any night club. She has long since decided that if something in particular made her feel better, she'd have an abundance of it. She'd choose what was best for herself that way. And sleeping there, hogging the duvet, that was something she didn't want to change at all. Safety. Comfort.

Vex.

She slept wrapped in the comfort of the Mesmer and didn’t have any nightmares.

~~~

When she woke up in the morning she was reaching into an empty space. Blinking away the last dregs of a peaceful slumber Kenzi scanned the bedroom to avail no body. A Fresh breakfast tray lay at her beau next to the bed, two plates of pancakes. Or rather the remains of pancakes on the one that Vex had presumably eaten. Was he still here? She felt heartbreaking bile rise in her gut- she hoped he hadn’t tried to take off again and was only in her closet, tipping over mirrors and strutting in her best threads.

Before she could finish tying the sash to her bathrobe, a knock occurred at her open door. Vex was standing in the doorway. “‘Ello.”

“Hi,” she stared at him. He had killer new duds on, but none of it hers. Dressed in his usual black, he looked like a decent human business man, from the penny loafer shoes to the tieless suit he wore. He had cut his hair close to his scalp in an edgy approach to professionalism. “You clean up nicely,” she ventured. “Going anywhere in particular?”

“Bo called me,” he replied stiffly. Judging by the fact he had called her ‘Bo’ instead of ‘your succubus warden’, Kenzi assumed it was serious. “Needs some help down at the pub.”

She would have argued were it not for the guilt riding her shoulders at the mention of Bo. Kenzi hadn’t called to check in, still hadn’t texted Bo back after all this time to let her know what was going on.

“So you’re leaving then.” Not a question. It did sting Kenzi that Bo hadn’t called her, but instead had called Vex knowing he wasn’t reliable. Bo had chosen Vex over Kenzi. On the other hand she couldn’t blame her fae friend- Kenzi had wanted to stay away from conflict and the pain of the constant loss. Kenzi wouldn’t be able to bring herself back to help Bo just yet, but she didn’t want Vex to leave her so soon. _I thought I was going to get better_. It seemed like an impossible fever dream to want to have something as dull as constancy. Just once she wanted them to stay. Nate. Hale. Vex- even though he wasn't dead, he wasn’t going to stick around much longer.

“I’ll be back before you know it.” He began shifting his feet, and Kenzi guessed he was leaving then and there. She reached out for him to stop him.

“What? You thought you could leave without giving me a goodbye kiss?” She drawled, giving him bedroom eyes. He was going to leave, and maybe he’d come back soon, but it was just as likely that he’d get hurt and die. With Bo and her _saving-the-world_ complex, death was only a matter of a few catastrophes away.

Vex understood what she meant, eyeing the hickies from last night. He stepped into the room, pressing his imposing frame into her small body, hands latching in her hair as they kissed. And when she moved to undress him, he didn’t oppose. As long as she wasn’t going to follow him into the fight, she’d be safe enough for him to be sane on his own.

Together their heavy, tortured hearts beat fast enough for them to be racing each other to a finish line, a competition of who could kiss the other with more passion. Their raw desires led them to tug and twist and unbutton the rest of their clothing, Kenzi taking the lead. The hearts that weighed them down before now kicked up in speed, gaining momentum, hurtling towards the unknown future. 


End file.
